Articles

Acquiring Happiness and Balance in life

What is love? Many people have asked me that question. I perceive love as acceptance of oneself and letting go of fears, non-benefical fears, fears that are unproductive and destructive. In society, we understand love and act on what we think love is, by holding on out of possession, and we hold on, because we fear we are going to lose something, something that we are used to or feel comfortable with, even though it may be causing us discomfort, unhappiness & pain in our life. We become fearful of letting go, out of the fear of the unknown or out of our own insecurities. If you can realize that change is not letting go of anything, but an addition to the self. It is important to face oneself and love yourself, regardless of what you see within.

As we begin to understand love for what it really is, we start to respect ourselves and begin also to understand loyalty & responsibility. These are other aspects of love.

We are taught to be loyal and responsible to everything outside ourselves. When we are not, we feel guilty or allow others to make us feel guilty, and then we start feeling responsible and obligated to others. In the process, leave ourselves out. You start taking care of everyone else's needs and not your own. Guilt is a useless emotion. It is a denial of self. In the process, you leave yourself out. It only causes pain, because we end up punishing ourselves when we feel guilty, and end up taking care of other peoples problems. Doing that gives your energy away. You loose your personal power to survive. True love is allowing others to deal with their own energy and allowing them to take responsibility for the choices they have made, so you can go on with your own life, creating the reality you need and desire.

Loyalty to oneself does not mean being an egotistic person--- me first, me second and me third! It is a person who has their priorities in order. Loyalty to self first, then to the family, to your work or business, and then to where your fellowship or social circles are. In that order. Loyalty to yourself, is having trust and confidence in yourself. Your identity or essential qualities is distinct from all other persons. It is believing in yourself that does not require proof.

Now that I have defined loyalty, what about responsibility? Responsibility means being accountable for your actions in fulfilling your desire. It is taking responsibility for the choices you make and the outcome of those choices. We have been taught to be responsible for everyone else, that is outer responsibility. From this point of view, responsibility becomes a burden, not an opportunity. We are afraid of change because change is more responsibility. Life is constant change and you cannot stop change. If you try, it just drags you along with it, and that way is not very pleasant. Life is in constant change . Trying to keep things the same will not work, for stagnation can only occur.

Here is an example of being loyal and responsible. It seems in life that we are always confronted with what society calls a "problem". In reality, they are 'growing experiences', opportunities to learn, grow and unfold. They help you understand more about yourself. If you can think this way, then you start to live life, instead of life living you. When these problems arise, we have a tendency to get stuck in them, digging a deeper hole and never seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and we feel like victims. We become problem oriented. However, a person loyal and responsible to themselves, will work with solutions and become a solution-oriented person, knowing 'where there is a will, there is a way'. It takes courage, strength and trusting one self .

What are the basis for a solution-oriented person? A person who works with the facts-- the four "W"s - [What-When-Where-Why]. Whenever you are confronted with a problem, whether it is personal, business or social, ask yourself the four "W"s.

Identifying the problem: What am I feeling? When did it start? Where did it start? Why did it start? When you have accomplished that, you will feel more in charge of the situation, instead of helpless with no solution in sight. The key is to do this as soon as the situation arises. immediately dropping everything and doing the above formula. Else, you will lose the feeling and have to wait till it comes back in another situation. When you have identified the problem, you will seek a solution for it. Now you ask: What am I going to do about it? When am I going to do something about it? Where am I going to do something about it? What am I going to do something about? As you accomplish this, you will feel you have risen above the problem and feel a sense of peace, security and direction. The more often you do this, the simpler it becomes. Be aware that at first, you might have some difficulty asking or getting an interpretation to what it is you feel, however; as you persevere and follow through, you will gain a balance of thought and feeling and clear open communications, with yourself.

By Doris C. Mizzi - B. Msc. H.C.